I may have it a wall

I'm so tired of all the crap. Really.
I'm tired of these ideals, and if you're not up to par, you suck.

Wow.

I'm tired of all this crap.

I think I allow myself to be in the crap.
I'm getting out.

I don't care if it's not right,

I still want your arms around me.

Pot of coffee, consulting the coffee rings. When do I tell myself to get over you?
The the unknown intrigues me. I want to get into your head, learn your thoughts.

I could never know you well, you're too complex.
That is what draws me to you.
(The coffee's cold now)
My attention is drawn to thoughts of you sleeping next to me. You move, your leg touches mine.
I debate internally if I should respond or if you just sleeping. Sleep usually won, and still wins.
I want to put my thoughts of you to sleep.

Be the friend you indirectly tell me you need.
I think that I'll be done with it. Tell myself to just be done with it.

I wonder if the microwave should heat the coffee.
I wonder if the microwave could heat your emotions.
I wonder if the microwave would bring us together.
And then I laugh.

Chasing what I thought

I tried to think you were good for me. You were though. I thought I knew.

But I try to remain unaffected.

There's this emotion that I feel in my core. I know what it means, I know who makes me feel it. But with him, lonely is a garuntee, he's not coming home to me.
Please can I go with you? I'll be your beauty #2.
Hey can I go with you? My beauty is only number two.
It's over, I don't want to be over. It's not over.

I wish I were. I wish I were the object he wanted.
But he sees me as a rose, to not be touched.
I know I'm not, I'm an orchid.
I'm all intense around him, trying to hide my faults.
I want to trust him with my heart, and have him trust me.

Happy to be incomplete

By that I mean still evolving. I am a sweet piece of work, or I want to think so. I wonder if I'm like an orchid but trying to live like a rose.

Putting both feet into my life. I don't want to live half-way anymore.