Does no one in AZ use connexion.org? I already know that answer. No.

So my friend from the old job text awhile back and said that there was the perfect guy for me. And she's been trying to set us up. While my interested is spiked, and I'm curious to find out who this guy is, I am doing all I can to not think about the future and the "what ifs." But I already have and thus jinxed the whole thing.

There's some optimism for you. hehe.

But I'm actually finally able to breathe freely again. My tests are over and I just finished up my oral presentation in Spanish!!! Yea me!

;0)

Working and going to school Monday through Friday takes up a lot of my time. Sometimes I think that if I can just get to the weekend then everything will be all right. That's when I can go crazy, that's when I can have fun. There is time to be with my friends, I can just come undone.
I don't want to grow up too fast, I'll be part of the working force soon enough. As for now I love the good times and like to make them last. And I'm ready now to get it going, so where's the party?

madonna reinvention tour paris nobody knows me

Here is a decent video that I think best capures the energy on stage... it was amazing!

Top 5 this week

1) "Beautiful Love" - The Afters
2) "Jump" - Madonna
3) "The World is not Enough" - Garbage
4) "Nobody Knows Me" (Live) - Madonna
5) "Can't Take it In" - Imogen Heap

This Show is Over Say Goodbye

I don't want to face it. The notion has been creeping into the back of my mind for a few weeks now, if not a few months: There may not be anyone out there for me. I never thought of that. I just thought that I'd eventually meet the right guy. But with the prospect of leaving Phoenix in less than a year, for the first time in my life, I think that is true. At least for now that is the case. But I'm also taking that and trying to make it in my favor. I can concetrait on homework with out wondering if Mr. Right is going to pass me by. I do that a lot. And I'm sure therein lies the problem. But for so long I have wallowed in self pity that this wake up call is good... though I'd still like to find someone. There are lessons that I still need to learn... I know.

But further news on my boss... he and his partner and I went out Saturday night. They are fun to hang with. And I've decided that while I still have a crush on him, OF COURSE I'm not going to ever act on it. I'm not like that.

Madonna's tour is nearing its end. I can't believe that I saw her, and she let me sing into the mike and did a little dance in front of me. I knew that we were soul mates... lol.

cupio in tacitum

So I'm eating broccoli as a snack now days. I'm serious about getting that Roman-warrior body. Though I'm a far cry from it these days. Last night I went out with my boss. I have a huge crush on him... and I found out that he and his partner are in an open relationship. That got me to thinking: I will become very sexy, with my lean, tough, warrior body and get him drunk and seduce him. Yum.

He also informed me that he scored in the 99% on the PCAT. My competition allele came out of its dormancy and sprang to life.

He asked me if I was husband shopping. I told him that I'm in the store but I'm sitting in the lobby area. I'm not looking, but I'm not not looking. It'd be nice to find someone who seemed to get me and my unusual ways, and still liked me for me. Though I'm beginning to think that he is just as mythological as some of the ancient Roman heroes.

It's never easy to let go. Even when the evidence begins to increase, and all signs are pointing away, and there are even red flags and a few sirens, it's still hard to let go of someone who was a major part of your life.

But I know that for reasons I can't see clearly right now, I need to let go.

Breathe in, breath out.
I say a little prayer.
How the gods above, could be so unfair.

I know there's someone out there,
waiting for me.
There must be someone out there,
there just has to be.

Go on, go on.
Don't sit there like a fool.
You've graduated from a different kind of school.

I should be glad, that I'm alive.
It could have been much worse.
I might have never loved at all,
and known what I am worth.

How the gods above could be so unfair?

I know there's someone out there,
waiting for me.
There must be someone out there,
there just has to be.

School has begun and I'm taking up a valuable computer in the library to write this while waiting for my next class to begin. I'm finding that I'm not so good at interim stuff. But as long as there are emails to write and computers to disable for the truly scholarly seeking library information, I should be just fine.

That Colorful State

Just when you think you are strong, you remember you're weak.
Just when you think the light is brighter, a cloud covers the sun.

The casualty takes on the guise of a butterfly.

And flies around with its painted smile.

Untouched by reality, untouched by the movement of time.
Just taking precautions that nobody hears us leave.

MAD TV- Dot

This is my favorite!

Mad TV - Dot's Missing Glove

off to San Diego, and final time. But this made me laugh.

learning curve

His eyes were dark and no end could be seen, like peering into a well. I lowered my eyes contemplating what he was saying to me. All I could think about though were that his eyes reminded me of a weasel. I had never seen a weasel's eyes before, but I was sure they would resemble his. He was still talking. I focused on his lips moving. He had great lips. They were soft and fun to kiss. What a shame that I was cutting myself off from them. They were the lure into his lair. Not that I was prudish, but I knew that with this one, I couldn't keep it at just a physical level. He knew that about me too, and still he was out for himself.

His words were pretty, but his actions spoke volumes.
He simply cannot be trusted.

And he admits openly that he cannot be trusted. Like I should just roll my concerns up in a handkerchief and put them in my pocket since he admitted to it.

I won't walk away, but I'm not going to stand around either. I have already stood around waiting for something that would never come (and only because the one I knew I could live with sailed across the ocean, but that is a different story).

But the weasel has left the state for a few weeks. My repose. I need to to get over him completely and no longer allow myself to fall under his spell. Sometimes I think my heart likes to be all hurt and only thinks of itself. I wish it'd get over itself and let me live. And then I laugh to myself; the weasel and my heart would get along fine. Just not me.

jump into empty

Feeling the rain drip from my eyes.
Silent waters escaping with my hope.
My soul fills with numb empty.
Time is slow in healing my heart.
Time has become my opponent.
My soul learns to pass each second.
Silent waters collect in puddles.
Feeling the rain drip on my fingertips.

on my own - just some thoughts

Last night the electricity went out. Luckily I had already made plans to go to dinner with a friend. Course I was his last resort since all his other friends had already made plans. But since I couldn't write the report, there was no point in staying at home. Dinner, ice cream, and then a drag show at a bar downtown. We saw some people there, some he was just getting to know and the same ones, I have known for quite sometime and acutally used to hang out with.

Just how quickly do I let friends go? Or do I get bored of people and move on? Maybe I'm looking for something and still haven't found it.

What do I enjoy in friends? I love to have conversations. Last night Na and I had a wonderful conversation during dinner. There was no real depth to it, no arguing, it was just very enjoyable talking about the shootings going around, about a cute guy in the resaurante, about our food, about a bazillion other things. He even commented that it was a conversation like we had on the first night we met. Maybe our friendship is like a sine curve, and the reason we get along so well is becuase we started at the peak or maximum of the curve, and have cycled through to the peak again.

interesting

Jeannette Wall's The Scoop column on MSNBC.com has picked up on the 'Madonna radio boycott' story that Billboard reported last week:
Singer’s fans have organized a petition demanding justice for Material Girl. Is Madonna the subject of a Dixie Chicks-like boycott? Songs from the Material Girl’s latest album, 'Confessions on a Dance Floor,' have been hits around the world, but hasn’t fared as well in the U.S. Some fans are alleging that radio stations owned by Clear Channel - a company with strong ties to the Republican party - are refusing to play her music because of the pop star’s comments blasting George Bush and the war in Iraq. Madonna has been an outspoken critic of the war and during her current 'Confessions' concert tour, makes obscene comments about President Bush. Clear Channel stations were said to be key in keeping the Dixie Chicks’ music off the air after one of them made highly publicized comments about being 'embarrassed' to be from the same state as George Bush. Nearly 5,000 Madonna fans have signed a petition that’s being sent to Clear Channel head Mark P. Mays, accusing the company of keeping the singer off the radio airwaves. 'The evidence that there is a boycott from American Radio is too obvious for words....Madonna rules the planet, EXCEPT for the USA,' according to the petition writer, who went on to note that Madonna holds the two top positions in the United World Chart, but a number of petition signers report that when they request Madonna’s music, they’re told by Clear Channel-owned stations she’s too old or not popular enough. A spokesman for Clear Channel told the Scoop he had no comment on the alleged boycott. 'It's not to say we won't have comment in the future - just not right now,' he said.

I hope it rains

The sky is overcast. But it's still 100+ degrees out there. I want it to rain. I'm almost ready to just drive to a city where it will rain. I want to sit in a cafe near a window so I can watch it. Or rent a room for the night and let the curtains be my shroud.

Sometimes, I remember. And the small hole in my heart, the one I am trying so hard to patch up, opens wide and takes me in.

That is why I want it to rain.

I went far too long, far too intense when I was younger. I forgot about me, and lost me. I know where I stand now, but it's very easy to slip back into yesteryear. But I have learned to not look back, but press forward. That is the only way I know to move on. I also have to move on despite where I would like to stay.

up and coming

The song going through my head, and the song playing on the stereo is "Speeding Cars" by Imogen Heap.

The lyrics that run from neuron to neuron are "...it's just textbook stuff, it's in the ABC of growing up..."

I always wanted other people so listen to her quiet wisdom, and then I realized that they applied to me. I'm still sumbling and fumbling about in my heart-brain connection. I'm trying to get things in order and it's not coming along as quickly as I'd like it to be.

But safety first, don't push please, what's the hurry?

Slowly my feet are returning to the ground after they were temporarily unglued from the cement, and I was able to escape and fly for a time.

up and coming

The song going through my head, and the song playing on the stereo is "Speeding Cars" by Imogen Heap.

The lyrics that run from neuron to neuron are "...it's just textbook stuff, it's in the ABC of growing up..."

I always wanted other people so listen to her quiet wisdom, and then I realized that they applied to me. I'm still sumbling and fumbling about in my heart-brain connection. I'm trying to get things in order and it's not coming along as quickly as I'd like it to be.

But safety first, don't push please, what's the hurry?

Slowly my feet are returning to the ground after they were temporarily unglued from the cement, and I was able to escape and fly for a time.

another day

To give you an insight on how amazingly dull my life is, the highlight was when a friend came over so we could go grocery shopping together. Lately it has become a group effort because he isn’t leaving the house much since in exactly one week, he will be in Tucson preparing to take the Bar Exam tomorrow, in a week. So in an effort to make the most of every minute, he has combined necessary chores with socializing. He feels that he has had human connection while at the same time he is able to buy bread and sustain his life one day more. This makes perfect sense. If you’re studying for the bar.
I on the other hand, really have no excuse or real social life for that matter other than sitting at home pretending to study for physics and I am constantly cleaning up the apartment. I can’t prove anything, but I swear there are some gnomes that come into the apartment when I’m not here and trash the place. And by trash the place I mean they use dishes and don’t wash them when done, and leave lots of papers around my desk, and worst of all, they get that black stuff and make sure it gets all over the bottom of the bathtub so I have to scrub it every four days just to keep somewhat clean, because the next time I go to take a shower, yup, there’s the black stuff again. But I should add that Tuesdays are extra busy because I have to water the seven plants that live, or mostly live, in my house. But I love them, and I tell them that. And I think I have four of the seven fooled. But definitely not the fern. I have to keep an eye on him. I think he’s got the potential to become unruly. I do have a job at a restaurant, but due to scheduling conflicts I don’t work there a lot. But I am hoping to find a job at a pharmacy soon.