It's Time

My whole life I have had this image of perfection that I needed to attain. And when I would constantly fall below that, I would try again. But after "failing" or not being perfect in something, I would just give up. I would rather go into something unprepared or half-assed rather than try again and fail. It was easier mentally to just give up and fail rather than try and fail. Mind you anything below perfection was failure. I think I'm over that now. I just want to do what I can do, and start being happy with it. A good week doesn't entail running and lifting daily, studying 2 hours daily, and the weekends 8 hours. It doesn't mean that I have money to go buy a new shirt.
I think a good week should mean that I did what I could. I wasn't lazy and wasn't a super hero, but was realistic in my goals and my life. I'm not going to have the 6-pack and pecs that I dream about in three weeks. I'm not going to understand everything about a class by just sitting through the lecture and thinking I should study more.
This transition will take time because I essentially have to give up an old form of thinking and adopt a new form. That will be tough because how easy will it be to slip back into old habits. But I know that I am capable of so much more. I just need to free myself from this incarceration I have built for myself, get over trying to be perfect, and just live life. I may look like a failure in the eyes of everyone else, including my mother, but that is something with time I won't worry about anymore. I think I'm ready. It's time.

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW-- What a Ride"