Maundering Reflection

My world began to tremble as the present neared the end.
I why did I feel like I had to win?
And what does that give me now?
I'm tired of inventing excuses that only lead to dead ends.

I would that only the good moments we shared survived.
Today I want to believe that you remember the winter evenings in the mountains.
The late nights we talked and never slept.
That time I found you sitting by my front door, counting on me that I would show up.

There was never really any ill will, just ingenuity.
We would muse over juice that the world was at our feet.
Sometimes before I drift to sleep I think of a world full of color where we live together.

I could never esteem you as less.
You stretched out your hand to me, but could only hold it there for so long.
Sometimes I just want to see you and see you, if just to see you.

You always believed you could count on me.