Lessons from Coffee

He called and asked if I would be able to meet him for coffee around 4:30 at the Starbucks on 7th and McDowell. It seems that Starbucks went out of their way to provide a small floor show at that time, enlisting the talent of a local mendicant. He and I chatted during the show, and a few times were part of the audience participation portions.

Chatter mostly consisted of small talk: the weather, work, school, etc. He brought coupons to clip. He's a lawyer. I haven't asked him, but talk from his friends is that he probably doesn't know who his real father is. He put himself through school. He said that he was always really mature for his age. He knew what he needed to do to get into college, and so he did it. He was valedictorian of a class of 400. I was #3 in a class of 100. He made me want to accomplish much. He had so little, and I have the help of parents when the going gets tight, he didn't. He knew he wanted to be a lawyer since he was in high school, and followed through with it. Ambition is so sexy. He is sexy. There were a few times that I just wanted to kiss him.

He's 34. I'm 24.

I know that that is an issue for him. I'm trying really hard to come across as myself. All my friends tell me that I need to stop being so mature and do stupid kid stuff once in awhile.
I wish that I could be 30 right now, graduated and with my phamD. I like mature guys that still can have a good time but are down to earth, they have a direction. 30+ seems to fit that rather well. The problem is they are usually looking for the same thing and just see me as a kid, possibly looking to piggy-back them and get a free handout now and then. Students aren't too popular with those who are now working. (But I work 35 hours a week).

I felt that the best thing I could do for him in that moment was study a little harder and make something out of myself as he did.

At six on the dot, he said it was time to leave. 2.5 hours was more than I had imagined.

Honestly I thought he'd never call.

He left with the statement "Thanks for meeting me for coffee. Have fun studying."

No mention of a next time, no see you later. But I had to smile anyway.

Three months ago, I assumed that I'd never meet him. He was an untouchable for me. Too good for the likes of me. But him getting my phone number and then calling, was more than I had ever fathomed.

He makes me want to surpass all expectations and be perfect.

Funny, I noticed that when I was with him, I was so comfortable, the words didn't stutter out, and my mouth wasn't dry when talking to him as it usually is when I'm with people I like a lot. When he left, that's when the nerves would kick in. I liked how I felt when I was with him.
But I don't expect much to last for long. I'm done fooling myself that what I want will come true.

When I think like that, I breathe.

I still have so much to learn about me and about life. If this works out then I'll be happy. If it doesn't work out, I'll still go on, wiser.