rain, rain, come today

Yesterday all I wanted to do was absolve myself from the real world. I wanted to close my door and windows and just watch a good movie wrapped in a blanket on the sofa. So I rented Mean Girls. Decent flick.
That was my recovery from the weekend of out-too-late nights. But I have to say that this weekend was wonderful. I had fun. My usual depression from bar attendance was surprisingly low. Met some nice people. Had fun with the family. And decided it was time I took a break from my life. Not getting away. Just ducking out for awhile. Not too much before the wonderful holidays, but enough to prep for next year.
I'm toying with the idea that I need to lay low again. All summer I was never out, and this time I want to be gone before the summer. Not so that I can make a grand entrance with the heat. I just want to get out of it for awhile.
I feel that when I try and stretch myself too many ways at once I begin to lose my center of gravity, or I forget my goals.
This dawned on me when I was out with a frined and he said that he'd call me the next day, and when no phone call came at the expected time I was midly troubled that I was an awful boring person that no one would ever in their right mind would ever want to be around. Yes, flashback five years. That was me on a daily basis.
I've come so far. So far from who I used to be. I'm not the neurotic mess I was. I still have my moments, but I'm so much the stronger person.
I find that if I'm okay with me, then so is the world. I have goals that have been placed in the freezer for sometime now, I need to get them out, thaw them, and then see what I can do to develope them.
What happened to running? Working out? Reading novels? Wrinting in my journal? Yes, I have a paper journal.
I've been reading the Book of Mormon again lately. I remember so much about my past when I read that book. How I used to be. I would never want to return, but visiting is nice.
My ideal is I will be my past, present and future. I'm still working on the gay mormon thing...

A veces me siento que di mi vida al viento.
y ahora la busco.
Pero ya me doy cuenta que estuvo en mi mano.
siempre la tuve.