Pack a lunch, this is a lengthy one...

I'm sick. I'm on the up-swing though. But regardless of the impending finals and my current physical status, I went out last night. I still have a weakness to saying no to a good time. And it doesn't help when a really cute boy is asking you to go. I feel total friendship for him, and so I justified it as "development of friendship." He's one of those people that I've known not too long but feel a connection with. Like we met in a previous life or in the spirit world...

Major Personal Realization Ahead:
So while out last night, I was all about just hanging out, dancing when the right songs came on and relaxing. Usually though at this particular bar, I've always felt to be on the uglier side of the patrons. But I've noticed that with time and my new ideas about how to view myself, I have become more open to the idea that I'm not as ugly as I think I am (how shallow can I get, worrying about looks was so 2003. But I still have my own personal demons I'm confronting). Anyway, I decided that last night at the bar I was on the better looking side of the night, and granted that if I would get my fat ass to the gym a bit more often, I'd be quite the catch. And actually the fact that writing this is making me puke just a little in my mouth (just a little bit) says to me that maybe I'm further along than I think I am. When people tell me I'm cute, I think that they are just being nice to get me to shut-up... "Just tell him he's cute and he'll be quiet the rest of the night." They might just actually mean it, and not be placating me. So it's nice to finally see progression on a war that has been on-going since I was old enough to distinguish between that kind of thing.

Now don't go thinking I think I'm supermodel quality! Goodness no! But quality enough so that the majority of people don't go running away screaming when they see me.

Also today I revamped my phone. I purchased a new ring tone and a picture to display. I'm excited. (Please just sigh now, cuz yes, it is all still Madonna themed, but I LOVE IT!!! and it makes me happy! (wink)) Hey! I'm taking on one issue at a time here... lol.