Let Go

My stomach is all tied up in knots. I'm trying to let him go. I'm trying to trust him. I'm trying to learn how to be in a relationship. I'm scared of commitment. Once I commit to someone, they then have the power to hurt me. I don't give that power to anyone. But I need to give it away in order to be in a relationship. I can't be suspect all the time. It would drive me insane. If he wants to hang around on his own accord, then I learn more about him.

Tonight I've wanted to go to an art walk where local artists open their galleries and exhibit and one can purchase if wanted. He wasn't very excited about it in the first place, but agreed to come. But now it's raining downtown. So he emailed me that is was raining and asked what the plan was then. I made a suggestion and also opened it up to suggestions.

If he didn't want to be with me, why would he have already invested so much time in me? I've been single all my life. I can survive that way. I would love to try and share something with him, and try I will.

That is why I'm letting him go. If he stays by his own will, then as I said, I learn about him.

I have to play these mental games with myself right now.

And he has made no indication that he is going any where, and has actually been very much the opposite. I'm just that insecure.