My Overdue Goodbye

Today I slept in until 9:30, was 25 mins late for my Spanish class, but still made it in time to listen to the really cute guy give his presentation and then get sufficiently bored with the other presentations.

On my way to work today, I watched a bird fly in front of my car. I never made its way to the other side of my car. In my rear view mirror I saw a puff of feathers behind me. I just thought to myself that this was natural selection in motion.

I know that my energy has decreased much. And not my physical energy, but my emotional. I feel drained. I feel I have nothing more to give. I feel that it's slowly being replenished, but not fast enough for me to deal with myself and others. I know that no one really has an idea how much stress and pressure I have been under. I have things going on in my life that I simply don't mention to other people. I hint at them, but in such a way that it comes across as little things that I'll get over in a few days. And I hint at the surface stuff; stuff that normally I don't even notice, but when so much in me is taking all my energy to keep moving forward on a daily basis, trying to balance all that I used to, and still deal with my problems and everything else that I become irritable. I avoid people because I know that I can't give them the energy they deserve or require. And I feel bad. They are important to me, but I just am not in a position to be around much of anyone.

So my overdue goodbye is I'm going to say goodbye to all the superfluous things in my life. I just don't have the energy to work 35-40 hours a week, go to school full time, get to the gym on a regular basis, spend time studying, keep my house in a presentable state of cleanliness, have a social life, and balance the stresses of my existence.

My fuse is short, and I hate that. So I need time to get back to normal. I'm not going to become a recluse, nor cut anyone out of my life, and hopefully most don't even notice that I'm on overload right now. I usually can keep the exterior appearing carefree. But I may not be there like I was in the past.

How can I give what I don't posses?