I feel that the tumultuous storm I've been feeling in my life these past months has slowly knocked off pretenses I may have created in my own mind. Maybe to protect me from who I was and who I was becoming. I feel it was a process.
I can't help but think that certain people were catalysts in this reaction with in my soul. But I feel I'm pulling out, or that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel better and more comfortable in this skin than I ever have before, yet I feel I have once again become the person I used to be. I feel closer to who I am.
I feel my past and my present are uniting. I feel I am better capable of accepting what the future brings because I see that so much of it depends on decisions I make now.
I guess life's trials are like a refiner's fire. I feel refined, that some of my dull spots are a bit more polished and as a blacksmith shapes metal, so I have been shaped to become better.
This all kind of came to me when I was walking to biochem class. I realized that I'm still sitting on the fence; doing my best to be a gay Mormon. Never accepting that I was one or the other, but both. I realized that for me to be happy in this life, I need to chose one way or the other. Yeah, it does suck to be a gay mormon. And I think, what if it is all true? But then I have felt lately that I'm slowly choosing a way... I feel myself drifting to a decision. I'm just gathering speed and strength to go that direction.
On my death bed, I want to utter the words, Absolutely no regrets.
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