When I said no sugar coating, I meant it.

I have really been on edge this week. It was the latter half of the week mostly that I was on edge. I've known why, but I never told anyone. I wanted to be sure. And now I know for sure.

I wasn't sure that I would be able to carry on the friendship with C. I hurt too much. My heart wasn't accepting that he was having fun, and I wasn't there; that he could feel strong emotions without me. I tried to be strong, but it wasn't working. I felt I was slowly loosing grip on what I tried so desperately to keep hold of. It was an uphill battle; I was almost ready to just walk away.

But somewhere between leaving Charlie’s and saying goodbye for the night, it all changed. Like a small flower that very quickly and silently blossomed in my soul, not allowing its presence to be detected until it had fully matured did I realize that he is my friend, in the truest most pure sense of the word. He has a soul of gold. And I had allowed my pride to take over my thoughts, and distort my senses. Like this flower brought intelligence I realized I was the one at fault.

I can almost say I know that our situation was meant to be. I realized that I may feel discomfort now and again and a surge of jealousy may need to be suppressed, but our friendship has a divine purpose. Our friendship is right. What will happen in the future, I don't know. But I will never find another like him. And to cut him from my life would be like cutting a portion of my soul out. It just makes sense to have him in my life. It's like he was always there, as natural as breathing is, he is my friend. It's like a scientific law; I don't question it, that's just how it is.

It is late and I feel my words are far from eloquent. I know that the road of this friendship will not be a normal one for me. But I know that it will be much deeper and stronger than anything I've ever known. Tonight is a testament that while I will struggle with accepting our situation, I will also have the strength to learn and grow from it. Is this a lesson the heavens have decided I need to learn? I don't know, nor do I feel I will question it much longer. But I just feel that it is right. I can honestly say I feel that what we share is the best for both of us and meant to be; that C and I were meant to be: Meant to be best friends forever.