And I Breathe

25 years old now. By this age I thought that I would be married with at least one child. I guess I always assumed I'd still be in school since I was planning to head to a medical school after graduation, but now it's a pharmacy school. I think other than the marraige part, I'm on track.

I'm happy with where I am in life. I have great friends, my family is wonderful, and right now my need to be loved by another is muted by the communication with One in Chicago. I am in a secure, relatively easy job which works with my school schedule. I'm slowly attaining my goals mentally, physically, and (ever-so-slowly) spiritually.

I find also that I care for people deeper than I thought I did. I have had to allow some friends to go because I realize that when everything is said and done at the end of the day, they bring me down. I don't want to hurt, I don't want someone who I care for to hurt me. I feel my heart ache for things to be good between us, but I simply don't want to set myself up to be knocked down again.

This weekend will be very low-key for me. Of course there will be partys and BBQs, but I have avoided most of them and I will be content to lay low. The storm of school and work begins Tuesday. It's been since high school that I've taken physics. I'm worried and I will need to dedicate much time to that study.

I haven't had much to say lately. I feel like my insight on life has burned out, and I'm fumbling along in the dark and only when I stub my toe on something, or have my face slapped do I realize anything.
But I feel that I'm slowly waking up. I feel that things are going to get better. Call it a hunch.