it is, so be it.

So then, I am trying really hard to just let things happen, let things go, and not look so deeply into things.
It seems that as soon as I write down what my silly thoughts are, they really transform into very silly thoughts indeed. I was feeling a bit irked that it seemed that I was always writing huge emails to N and then only getting a few lines in response. But I reminded myself that he was very pleasant in conversation on the phone and picked up a lot of my slack when I just ran out of things to say. So emailing may not be his forte, I don’t know. That’s why I’m not going to look too deeply into this or anything else for that matter.

It is what it is.

That is my new mantra. I need to just let things be as they are. I’m single and aware of it. That’s just me right now. I don’t know what the future holds. All I can do is try and enrich my life and really enjoy the circumstance I have.

Also I was talking with A and while I was talking I realized that I was looking forward to the San Diego trip so much that I was hating the other days just for not being the day of San Diego. I need to enjoy each day and make things happen. And get some sleep. That sounds nice.

Enjoying things for what they have to offer, for what they are. A small conversation with a friend. A song from the 80s that reminds you of your childhood and when you would clean the bathroom every Saturday morning. A joke from a co-worker.

Just relax and let things go the way Providence has determined.

Funny but this brings up an experience that I had in my biochemistry class. I was debating dropping the class, but a very strong impression told me to not drop. So I didn’t. Things got much better in the class and to my surprise I passed with a grade better than I had thought possible. I think God still acts in my life (or the energy, whatever) to help direct my life… He’ll let me wander around some but when it looks like I’m going to really deviate from the path, I get bumped back on.

So with that perspective… understanding that there is a force that is keeping things under control… can I really worry too much about my life? I take care of the day to day things and keep my long term goals in view and work towards them, and then the lose ends that move beyond my means are taken care of.

It’s kind of nice to think like that.