How do you tell your friend, yes, we are talking. How do you tell your friend, yes, we are moving in that more-than-friends direction. How do you tell your friend that it's with someone he still isn't over?
I'm trying to be mature. Maturity is something I saw in N and liked. I have resolved to do what I can to let some of the little boy in me fall into the past. While fiercely guarding my childhood dreams, and the childlike ambitions and views, I know that I need to grow up in certain areas too. Relationships being one of them. No, I'm not going to find Mr. Perfect. He doesn't exist. If someone doesn't like me, then I accept that it happens. If someone has a life outside of me while we are just getting to know each other, that is their prerogative. I need to let the cynicism go. I need to stop worrying that they are spending time with me only so they can hurt me in the end.
I need to just relax and enjoy what I have. I'm a big boy. If you don't like me, then I'll move on just fine. I'll recover from the broken heart and bruises, I'll stay alive.
And I also know that I would rather my friend be happy and I temporarily unhappy rather than both unhappy. I know because I have had to watch a man I felt strongly for kiss and hold other men so a friendship could develop. In my heart I knew that is what I needed to do. And now I feel the same feeling that in my heart, I am doing what I need to be doing. I don't regret and I'm not looking for reasons. I'm following my intuition. And I can honestly say I'm happy, but not without the wish that my friend would accept that not everything is the way he thinks and expects it to be. But I'm not giving up on him either. I have a gut feeling that things will work out; everything is going to be alright.
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