I've been up and down and all around it's all about survival

This is me at three years. I think I was a cute kid. And look at the great hair! I was so innocent. But I wouldn't go back for the world. To live isn't easy, but I sure do have a great time most of the time.



So what is the measure of happiness? For me, it's accepting myself. That I'm not perfect. That I'm prone to be normal, yet unique in my own way. Being me and being happy with what I have and where I'm going. I find that I'm slowly still getting over my insecuritues. Oh my, he hasn't called! It must be me. I got a bad grade, it's because I'm just so stupid.

That isn't the answer. It took me so long to understand that I hold the key to my happiness. It's not if he calls me back. It's not how many frineds I have by my side. It's not driving a posh car. While all these help, it comes down to the fact that I'm comfortable in this skin.

I turned down a date tonight with a cute guy to study. I turned down going to see Tori Amos in concert tomorrow because I have a very big test on Saturday morning. While in the moment it was hard, I know that I will be happier for doing what I did, making that choice. Tori will come again. The cute guy and I are getting together on Tuesday. Things have a way of working out when you do what you know to be right.

I find I'm getting over my need to please other people and I feel more stable and happier. While I like to be nice and I want others to be happy there is a difference.

I feel like I'm kind of on my own these days. I'm exploring and I'm really enjoying it. I'm staying home on Friday nights so Saturday can be a full, productive day. I'm staying in to study so I can do well in school. I'm meeting guys out and focusing on being their friend rather than worrying where it's going to go.

"In the blink of an eye everything could change, say hello to your life now you're living. This is it from now on it's a brand new day, it was time to wake up from this dream."

I think I feel like I'm on my way home, finally.