Let It Be

So why am I so worried that he will never call? I have tried and tried to let him be the one to call and now I need to just do it. I have a suspition that he's just sticking around because I am making it so convenient for him.

Last night was fun. Just chilling on Mill with some friends, and then Mr. Dr. and I started texting and it was nice hearing from him. I'll admit that some feelings for him were scratched to the surface briefly and I'm still trying to let them go. Let him go.

But the boy that I'm currently interested in, I just don't think that he is interested in me, in a relationship. It's the actions. He seems to always call his friends but never seems to get a call my way. I think I need to jump from this plateau with him and move on. I've been a fool in a waiting room, hoping that he will call out my number. But it seems that my number isn't a concern of his.

"Yes I'm ready to jump." -Madonna

Scary though. But I guess I need to just move on and let life be what it is. I know that remembering myself and keeping my life in perspective is what I need.
I don't ask for much, just some recognition. I'm letting him call me, and I may never hear from him again. Am I ready for that? No. But I will never be ready for it. It's a bridge I'll have to cross when I get there.

Two different worlds. My heart feels alone, but that's why McCullers said it's a lonely hunter. Lonely definitely. I wish I were strong. I'll get strong with time.

I guess I'm setting myself up for the worst. I can't keep worrying about things. I'm trying to play it cool, and that is what I'll do.

The MD sure was fun back in our day. Despite the 20 years difference, I was the one trying to keep up with him. He had an intensity that would infiltrate my soul and I remember I couldn't sleep next to him, his mind still moving 1000 miles a second even in still slumber. But it was fun. He was fun. It was a paradox being insanely attracted to him yet knowing that it just wouldn't ever be, and being okay with that.