More and more each day, I have realized that S was just filling a hole in my life. I don’t have any particular affinity for him. He was nice and cute. He was fun to talk to. But I can’t deny that things began to go in a sour direction. There was a loss of magic in the air when we were together. I recognized all this, I just didn’t want to open up the space again.
Maybe he felt that. I don’t know what happened. We just moved on in separate directions.
Today was fine until I got into work. I just didn’t have the energy levels to deal with the energy sucking atmosphere that work was today. There were a few times that I wanted to just walk out and leave. Not tell anyone where I was going because I didn’t know myself. But leaving was what I wanted to do.
I’m going home to my parent’s house tomorrow. I think a break in the cycle of my life is what I need. Badly.
But I knew that it would be hard. I’ve been weighing negative thoughts into my life for so long that trying to up-beat and positive is something that takes much energy out of me. And it’s easy to lose sight of my goal. I just want to curl up and cry today. But I’m going to just move on with my life. Things happen for a reason. In no time I’ll be fine again, no problem.
“There’s only so much you can learn in one place. The more that I wait the more time that I waste.”
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