I was wrong to let you go

I just saw Brokeback Mountain with my good friend A. I wanted to cry, and I did for a brief moment. But the MD put me on some meds that kinda make my emotions numb.

I like it.

I've felt enough for awhile now (the movie too). I just want to not feel. I get too wrapped up in people and too up-tight and all that. I just want to let things go for awhile. I don't want to feel anything.

And I think for now I don't.

Well, I still feel, it's just muted. It's not quite the impact that I used to feel. So I'm not going to cry today.

On a different note, here are some notes that I jotted down during work the last few days:

The stars shone brightly that night.
But reason says put the stardust in your pocket
and turn you head to the sun once again.
Dreams are to be followed, but fools follow star wishes.
______________________
It's better to cash in the chips
and take what I already have.
Anything from here on out is a gamble.
And I know setting my stakes too high,
I'm bound to lose.
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I find myself walking into your life.
We share no history except days.
I love you with out knowing you.
I must be out of my mind.
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Let the rain fall.
Let it cover the earth
and nourish my hope.
And spite my overwhelming despair.
_________________
My best relationships are with blotches of ink strategically placed on paper, and with the neurons that fuel my imagination.
_______________________________________
It takes a lot to always be on form.
Make sure my safety vest is on tight.
It's been one of those days.
I can't go any faster
for fear of losing myself.

Coffee rings help me search my heart.
Careful not to cross over the line.
The sky is blue and swallows me.
Please don't come any closer
for fear of losing you.