Not really a ton of bricks, or like something that hit me out of the blue, but more like a steady buildup and then this was the trigger that pushed me over the threshold. I saw an image of me today that made me realize I’m still not where I want to be. I’ve been rather comfortable in my state and as a famous woman said, “I’m afraid to stay.” I’ve been staying too long in this place. I need to move on. I realized that I still have things to prove. I’m not where I want to be. I’m not where I need to be. And I need to make them happen. Much much easier said than done.
Where does love hide? Where does beauty shine? It seems that they are very abstract concepts that, by human nature, we try to define. Does it seem to anyone else that these are emotions that people gave names to in order to describe and communicate how they felt? Which now days it seems that these words are masters and the emotions are subservient to what society has defined them as.
I believe I can love much quicker than what people think is okay. I do however believe that love has many levels for me. Love my mother and my friends, but they are different kinds of love. We should have invented more words for love. I love my mom and amur my friends. Lol…
Dear Beauty,
I think you have entered my life in so many forms as of late. Thank you. I saw a little bird singing on a green tree just today as I took a walk. My friend has gone out of her way to make me feel better about a few situations. A stranger has been writing me beautiful words and despite we have never met, he has lifted my thoughts and spirits. I just came in contact with an old flame from the past. Though we won’t try it again I find that there is friendship now, and we live in two different states.
The night sky is so clear and still, I listen to my breath escaping me to be apart of it. I wish on stars and smile to myself as I did when I was a child. My 7 year old mind truly believed that the star would help me fly, now I know that reaching for the star will do just that. I’m happy.
I also made a decision. I am going to live my life with a man. Every time I date someone, I get scared because I feel deep down I’m hoping to wake from this dream and marry a woman and live how I thought I would my whole life. But I have decided that I’m ready to take that leap and I’m not looking back.
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