Erotic, Erotic, put your hands all over my stuff...

And help me move! Ugh, moving is going much slower than anticipated. Mostly because I've hit a wall and can no longer fathom even packing a box. But my mom and dad came to town today with their big, huge truck. We loaded the couches in the back and took them to storage. Now that they are there, they are going to stay there, and I don't have to deal with them for a couple months at least. I'm just exhausted of packing.

I did just a few mins ago send out the general text to see what was going on in the world of friends tonight. Last night Cw and I went out and had a blast! It was so much fun to just go out and be wild and crazy. And by wild and crazy, I mean that I didn't have the bf breathing down my neck and pulling me away from any boy that I tried to talk to... be friend or acquaintance. I might have exaggerated there, but sometimes I get tired of him. Lately I've been getting really tired of him. Almost to the extent that I may be getting ready to let him go for good. But I know not for sure. These are rash thoughts that I'm entertaining, all I know is that the freedom was nice and it's been nice not having to work around him, listen to his jokes for the 92,837th time, nor babysit him when he gets drunk. But at the same time, he is a great guy. But I'm wondering if he's great for me.

I talked to a friend today, whom I admire muchly, and he and his bf of 3 years have split. Wow. I was in shock. Upon hearing this news I wanted to raise my hand and shout, "Oh, Oh, pick me, pick me!" He is bright, handsome, fun, easy going, and great to talk to. So of course I intruded some when I asked if there was someone else... he paused and said nothing serious, just a friend, and followed that by saying it's nice to hang around someone that he has a good time with, and who makes him feel good and special. I was going to get a name and an address so I could dispose of this competition, but then realized that I was in a relationship myself already. But if my heart's no longer in it, what's keeping me there?

I saw two guys last night, one of whom I also have had a longstanding crush on, and his bf was so nice and cute. They looked so happy and content together. They have been dating for awhile now, I think one to two years, and they are still like newly-weds. They held hands to go get a drink together, they were by each other all the time, but there was a comfort around them that they did it cuz they wanted to, not cuz they felt they had to. I don't feel like that.

Putting this all into text makes me realize that I either need to work on my relationship or end it to be fair to him. But I know that I don't have what I want, or what I need.

But I don't know. Please don't say you're sorry.

After the bar last night, my friend and I were discussing the cute boys and my friend told me that if I'd tone up, I'd be "freakin' sexy." He then said, "you hide your weight well though." He's seen me in my underwear. I knew what he meant. And he is right. I would have much more confidence if I would just eat right and exercise on a regular basis. Seriously. He then said if I'm not planning on staying with this bf then I need to get back in shape. He was reading my thoughts. He knows. He knows me well, I wonder how. But he has said somethings that are totally my character to the core. But at the same time, I know he doesn't say them out of spite, but that he really cares about me, and he knows that him saying a few, possibly true things about me is not going to challenge our friendship. If your friends can't say it, who can?

So this is a call to arms that I need to get things in order, like my love life, and my body. I'm going to summer school in a little more than a week, and I need to spend a lot of time on that. Anyway, my thoughts need sorting. This was a help.

And Tell Me Boy, Now Wouldn't That Be Sweet?

And I could be your sweet escape.


Once again I think that I'm the last person in the world to get mildy fascinated with Ryan Seacrest. I watched the Wednesday night show last night, and when Ryan was interviewing on the street, or talking to people about the show, his shirt looked soo good on him.

This isn't the shirt, it was just a picture that google image search results yielded.

Moist, warm desire. Fly to me. I'm you Candy-Perfume Boy. The Sacred Nerve is Magic Poison.On to other news:

I have passed all my classes this semester and officially I will be applying to pharm schools. I'm nervous. What if they say no? I'm not going to think about that. Today I also began my official Get-In-Shape-To-Look-Hot-Like-Ryan-Seacrest diet routine. And actually I should say it's a Life-style change.

My goal is to look like Mr. Craig in swimming trunks. I'm tired of having to beware of Capt. Nemo when I'm out in the pool or lake. I wish I could go to the beach. I think it's about time to go to San Diego.

Well, I think it's time for me to go hang out by the pool.

Circles in the sand,
Ryan

Hey you, I don't like your gf, I could be your gf!!

Why am I the last one in the world to finally get into Fall Out Boy? I absolutely love the songs "It's not a Scene, It's an Arms Race" and "Sugar, We're going Down."

The hot guy from the ASU book store is my good friend's new boyfriend. I've know K since before I came out of the closet. His bf, Mr. ASU-Bookstore is a hottie. Wait, Hottie (capital "H"). I'm happy for them.

I went to BS West last night and saw SX. LOVE him. He hooked me up with drinks all night and did it with his pearly smile. Mmm, mmm. He has his own shop on Mill Ave that he makes t-shirts to order. I've had a few shirts made there and I love to go in with an idea and walk out wearing it. I think the store is called Brand-X. If any of you all are in Tempe or visit AZ, you should go. And by you all I mean you, Anthony. I think you're the only one who reads this silly little blog of mine.

I love her.

And if anyone knows who this is, please let him know that I'm open to the idea of a date and then possibly marriage and children. What a beautiful, artistic picture. I hope he likes Madonna. And if not, then I'll become a closeted Madonna fan. For the first date. First five minutes of the first date. I'll try not to introduce myself as Ryan, a fan of Madonna.

xoxo,

Ryan

puer prudentior est quam puer

Probably what the sculptures of Rome in antiquity would pound out on a daily basis. The nobility seemed to have them, and the world today calls it Roman when it's that prominent. Sometimes they don't work on faces, but on his it does. "Mmm, mmm, some thing's coming over me..." I'm stealing peaks like a child behind a pew at church, very interested in the person sitting behind me. But in this case he is on my left. He just stretched, his arms are that of a Greek god.

Anyway this is the end of the school year. And good riddance. I'm done with this place... for a few weeks anyway. I just wanted to get some thoughts out while I give my over-worked, saturated, Economically-challenged brain a rest.

Relationships. I was thinking in the shower today what mine right now is building off from, and what is its foundation. I had trouble defining anything and wonder if it's comfort I feel now or if this is the beginning of love and I'm waiting for the show to start. Or I may just be incapable of feeling anything deeper with my heart. What a great guy he is. But sometimes I want him to go sit over there while I have some time to myself.

A guy that I was interested in, and from what he said, he felt similar said, "When we get together we just talk about us." At the time, it was as if that was a no no. We needed to get together and discuss the world, art, philosophy, government, politics, the social structure, drugs, the rising costs of health care, and when I would be able to meet grandma. But when we got together we just talked about the bazaar attraction we felt for each other. Founded only on the fact that we liked each other. Unexplained. Our common ground was that we enjoyed each others' company and felt good around the other, and so would discuss it. It was only a short week and was doomed from the beginning; he moved on to bigger and better things (a great guy) and I moved on as well. No milk was spilled so no need to cry.
Sometimes I wonder where the relationship would have gone. Would I have eventually gotten sick of his bourgeoisie attitude and kicked his ass to the curb? Or would I have tried to make it work? Would my eyes start to wander? That I'm sure they wouldn't. Even though it never happened completely, I'm willing to bet that it would have been good. And I always found him attractive. But it would never have been able. It was under odd circumstances that we met and spent time together.