Erotic, Erotic, put your hands all over my stuff...

And help me move! Ugh, moving is going much slower than anticipated. Mostly because I've hit a wall and can no longer fathom even packing a box. But my mom and dad came to town today with their big, huge truck. We loaded the couches in the back and took them to storage. Now that they are there, they are going to stay there, and I don't have to deal with them for a couple months at least. I'm just exhausted of packing.

I did just a few mins ago send out the general text to see what was going on in the world of friends tonight. Last night Cw and I went out and had a blast! It was so much fun to just go out and be wild and crazy. And by wild and crazy, I mean that I didn't have the bf breathing down my neck and pulling me away from any boy that I tried to talk to... be friend or acquaintance. I might have exaggerated there, but sometimes I get tired of him. Lately I've been getting really tired of him. Almost to the extent that I may be getting ready to let him go for good. But I know not for sure. These are rash thoughts that I'm entertaining, all I know is that the freedom was nice and it's been nice not having to work around him, listen to his jokes for the 92,837th time, nor babysit him when he gets drunk. But at the same time, he is a great guy. But I'm wondering if he's great for me.

I talked to a friend today, whom I admire muchly, and he and his bf of 3 years have split. Wow. I was in shock. Upon hearing this news I wanted to raise my hand and shout, "Oh, Oh, pick me, pick me!" He is bright, handsome, fun, easy going, and great to talk to. So of course I intruded some when I asked if there was someone else... he paused and said nothing serious, just a friend, and followed that by saying it's nice to hang around someone that he has a good time with, and who makes him feel good and special. I was going to get a name and an address so I could dispose of this competition, but then realized that I was in a relationship myself already. But if my heart's no longer in it, what's keeping me there?

I saw two guys last night, one of whom I also have had a longstanding crush on, and his bf was so nice and cute. They looked so happy and content together. They have been dating for awhile now, I think one to two years, and they are still like newly-weds. They held hands to go get a drink together, they were by each other all the time, but there was a comfort around them that they did it cuz they wanted to, not cuz they felt they had to. I don't feel like that.

Putting this all into text makes me realize that I either need to work on my relationship or end it to be fair to him. But I know that I don't have what I want, or what I need.

But I don't know. Please don't say you're sorry.

After the bar last night, my friend and I were discussing the cute boys and my friend told me that if I'd tone up, I'd be "freakin' sexy." He then said, "you hide your weight well though." He's seen me in my underwear. I knew what he meant. And he is right. I would have much more confidence if I would just eat right and exercise on a regular basis. Seriously. He then said if I'm not planning on staying with this bf then I need to get back in shape. He was reading my thoughts. He knows. He knows me well, I wonder how. But he has said somethings that are totally my character to the core. But at the same time, I know he doesn't say them out of spite, but that he really cares about me, and he knows that him saying a few, possibly true things about me is not going to challenge our friendship. If your friends can't say it, who can?

So this is a call to arms that I need to get things in order, like my love life, and my body. I'm going to summer school in a little more than a week, and I need to spend a lot of time on that. Anyway, my thoughts need sorting. This was a help.