Questions to Myself

Lately I've felt that I'm in an introspective state. I feel like my past and present are beginning to fuse and make more sense to me. I feel like I'm a bit more aware of what's going on around me in my life, and I'm concentrating more on what I need to do to accomplish my goals.

I hope I'm not becoming more selfish. While that's always been one of my faults, I am hoping that I am just not as concerned with what others may think of me. I want to be involved in the lives of my friends, a support, but I don't want to be a crutch, if that makes sense. Also I don't want to rely heavily on others. I'll tell them what's going on in my life, and I certainly don't expect them to resolve anything.

I'm on track to graduate (FINALLY!!!) and apply to pharm school. I'm uber nervous about applying to pharm school, but until I try I'll never know.

Yeah, I'm still unhappy with my physical condition, but I know that it's all me. And my fault I'm not happy with it. It's not that I need to learn to accept me the way I am... No, I mean I need to start doing the right choices so that I will feel like I am trying to make things better, and if nothing changes then I will accept who I am because I know I'm doing what I can.

This applies to school. Yeah, I'm not going out as much and not keeping in touch with a lot of people anymore. I think maybe because I'm more comfortable in my skin. I used to, and still do to an extent, get affirmation from how many people I'm around. That's so temporary. I remember I'd have wonderful nights out when I was like the bell of the ball, or treated as the prom queen. And if no attention then I'd have an awful time out. Lately I've been avoiding attention (not to say I don't LOVE it when it comes) but I have a wonderful time just connecting with friends and totally okay if they are all I talk to in the evening... gosh that just sounds so silly saying that, but that's finally where I'm at.

I knew you were going to bring up love. I'm not into anyone right now and really not looking. I find that I'm really happy just figuring out what I want. I think everyone can see that too. I was seeing a guy, kinda, but he said that he and his bf were on a break trying to figure things out... and he said technically they weren't together... I'm okay with that. But as soon as I heard, "we're back together but we can still get together now and again" I was out of there. I don't need that, nor does my karma. And truth be told, I'm currently waiting for the hottie in my p-chem class to ask me out... lol. which is my way of saying nothing's happening or gonna happen for awhile.

It's time for me to go study before class.