I haven't learned the lines you'd like to hear

I look out at the scenery while driving away. No specific destination, just away from the city. I need to leave behind what it is, who I am there. Just for a few hours. I conceal a lot, and I get tired of concealing it. Deep in my heart, and I can't confess what I'm feeling. I'm scared, I fear. I try to keep my brave face on and go forward. But all alone it's hard. all alone I sit and think about what I may be giving up, what I may be letting go. I'm frustrated if I should fight for it. Firstly I don't know why I'm so caught up. I thought I could let go just as easily as I took hold.

I'm watching some bits of Evita. Despite being a 2 hour Madonna music video, I do like it for what it portrays. I love the deceit, the sex, the scandal, the intentions, the trust, the guile, the betray. I think my favorite part is when she is dying and worries that she is no longer of use to him, and she appeals to love. Love is the fabric that holds us together, at least that's what I think. I like to think that he did truly love her. And she continued feeling like she had something to prove to him, she had to show that she was worth something. And when all that disappeared, she became vulnerable.

I've never really understood love. I never could feel it for most anyone. I love my family, but that's a different love from romantic love. I used to wonder if I would ever feel it. I think I've felt it. And I think I've decided that if you truly love someone then you will let them go. There's a cliche for you. Anyway, that's what's been on my mind.

"Where do we go from here? This isn't where I intended to be. We had it all... Certainties disappear. How do we keep all our passions alive? Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say, scared to confess what I'm feeling, frightened you'll slip away."