Emotional, Still

I think... I think I might finally be getting out of the funk that I've been in for awhile now. It's been disheartening to see him move on without me. He is done with me. We are just friends in his eyes. I hurt; though my head comprehends, my heart is miles behind the time frame. Possibly it's been this weekend of moping and ignoring and distancing that has helped me to at least recognize where I am in this mess and how I'm feeling about it.



But I still reserve the right to feel bad about it.



Remember, I tried. I tried to love this love until there was nothing more. Despite my heart hurting because of this failed love. I tried. That in and of itself is a ray of light on this dark circumstance I'm in. Remember that I tried.

I'm really not sure right now

It's been a few months. I don't know if I'm just starting or at the end of it.
I get angry, apathetic, frustrated, happy, sad, content all at once. Or the emotions seem to race through my veins, all fighting for their turn in my brain and to occupy my thoughts. I don't regret and everything is as it should be, I trust that feeling. But I guess this is the grieving process. It's not supposed to happen and resolve in 8 easy steps or after a paragraph of woes. So this is me here, where I am right now.
Currently I'm not feeling angry, thought I'm avoiding my phone it's text messages. He asked me to remember that I'm moving out. And then disappeared for three days. I held my breath and got lost in coffee rings. Then moved on, but came back. It's a circle. But I don't want it back. I think this is how I'm reacting to the change. At least that's my best guess. I see instagrams of past crushes and see him and his beautiful boyfriend still lost in the giddy and happy of love. I wonder if he and I could have ever felt that. Or would it end since I'd be in the duo? I guess I'm in my pessimistic phase currently. Give me 3 minutes, it'll pass.