Sunday, April 30, 2017

zolpidem 10, diazepam 2, diphenhydramine 50

Someone can't sleep. weird. I went to bed at 8 this morning. It was a night out like I was 22 again. And then you meet that boy. you know, the one that you've had your eye on for awhile now. He's super nice and everyone seems to know him or at least who he is. Is that a good or bad thing? But then he diverts all his attention to you. You're not 22 anymore, you know what this means and where the evening could go. It's easy to dance the dance now. Say the things to get your way, "oh, you need a ride?" "Sure, I'll come in to see your house and for a glass of water." "Yes you can kiss me, I've been waiting."

(but wait says that small voice from somewhere that was blanketed over with that last drink, but still seems to make a sound... don't you kinda want to get to know this guy? he seems stable, sane, he's cute, this is kind of a thing you shouldn't just fuck away?)

Well, I sure do/did/will? I don't know anymore. Alanis comes into my head..."I was hoping, I was hoping we'd be creamy together...."     I was hoping. Damn was I hoping. But I'm not a gabling man. This is probably a one-trick pony and now or never. But what if he's more? He's drunk as a skunk. He's a damn good kisser. Fuck, he's convinced me to get in his bed, i shall leave my panties on... oh what the hell.... I am tired, still kinda buzzed, but really more tired that anything. And he's giving me a lot of attention and quite a bit of complements. That was a pretty amazing kiss. And now he's going down... I'm ok with that, his mouth is good. Am I killing off every chance of any sort of relationship? will we now be the friends that wave and say hello, give that hug-thing when we meet and while in the back of my mind, he's just another one that I've fucked, I'm just another notch on his lipstick case? Me and half the town, I know his reputation. well, I guess the welcome wagon finally welcomed me. I want to date him still though. stable, sane, and cute. But who is I to ask for so much?! I know nothing John Snow. Well, it's over. he's exhausted, I'm exhausted. we fucked. I guess I'll have to file this away into my sexcapade folder. Do I still want to try and date him? He's the right age, and I'm not getting any younger. he's really drunk. damn, he was really drunk. I was a drunk lay. but I did get mine too. maybe I don't want to date him. he cuddles well. ok, my contacts are still in and I need to get home. Bye boy, don't get out of bed to see me off... wait, you didn't even offer, you went right back to sleep. ok, well, then I got mine. it's been awhile I was wanting some sex again, and it wasn't bad. actually kind of fun. yeah, there's been some bad sex. home, so do I go to bed, or omg, it's 7:45 in the morning. ok, so breakfast and nap time.



I woke up to a text from boy. well, thanks to you too for the evening, and glad to have seen you out. oh, hello my life, and my empty bed and my clean sheets, and my quiet house, and bare walls, and all my things. Hello, I think I like it this way for now. I think I shall play my video game and have a latte. Nobody here but me, and I like it that way. for now.

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