I've been avoiding this

Dear )|(,

You have been avoiding this self-letter for a long time.  Matty isn't in love with you, he has his husband love and his boyfirend love. this has been a torrid affair, but you would be #3 in that line up. He has shared rings and necklaces with his loves. You are just a friend that is delayed in the friend department. We keep trying to be more, but we are a trainwreck waiting to happen.

You know I am wanting you. It's not a secret. But we're not in the cards, but chance pulled you near to me. But you are not my destiny for life has put you in an impossible place.
We can try to rewrite the fates and pretend you were meant to be mine and i would be yours. But we cannot be, no matter what we want.

It's not easy. It's hard not to run to you and hold on tightly forever. We can be just you and me behind these walls, it's easy for us to celebrate our connection. But out in the sun you will wake and see it was all an illusion. We cannot rewrite the fates. There are things keeping us apart and you are not the one I was meant to find.

We cannot rewrite the fates, but all I want is to fly and fall with you, everything with you. But it's impossible. you are the one, or at least one of the ones I was meant to find. We could change the world to be ours. but i learn to let go of those illusions.