Today was a surreal day. I felt as if I was drifting through a dream for the most part. I will be going to bed early tonight. For the most part I wish I had this weekend to do over. I don't usually regret, but I regret this weekend. I won't go into the incriminating details.
I hope though that this regret will dissapear and I can count this as a learning experiene. And it will. That is something I do.
Sometimes I still feel like a child learning, learning things that by now I should know and be well aquainted with. I have to remind myself everyday to keep my head up, and to continue pressing forward. It would be easy to run away, but I can't. That's not me. Sometimes I don't feel strong enough to make it. Other times I feel 10 feet tall and bullet-proof. I think it's a process of forgiving myself of the mistakes I have made. And I need to forgive all others of the silly offenses I've taken. There is no need for me to be jealous. Or upset with another's personal choices regardless if I feel they were made in error. I can't take things so personally anymore.
I've been wanting to harden my heart, turn to stone and become cold. And just not care anymore. But in the back of my mind I know that staying warm and welcoming is what I need to do. If I lose that, I can't help but feel I'll just become another face in the crowd. We're all human here together. I just need to let go, and follow my heart. And I promise to try.
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