Drunk

So this is my first drunk entry. this = truth. not for the faint of heart.

Tonight. Went to a straight bar. Girl hit on me. Got girl's number. Girl is a lawyer. What the fuck is up with me and lawyers? Should have walked away from lawyer/girl. Will I call girl/lawyer? While talking to girl/lawyer, roommate comes up to me and asks if I still want to go the the GAY bar. I look at lawyer/girl. Girl/lawyer looks at me. Mental note to kill roommate later. Roommate leaves. I cover up well with girl/lawyer. (Remember to thank god for alcoholic effects on hearing). Told girl/lawyer name of bar similar to the GAY bar. Leaving bar, confronted roommate what the FUCK that was about. Roommate comes up with LAME ASS excuse. I accuse roommate of being jealous and having CRUSH on me. Roommate becomes quiet. Umcomfortable silence ensues. I point out next semi-cute boy I see. Thank god for diversions. Mental note to never bring that up again.

Gay bar: Girl comes up to me and asks me if I get tired of girls hitting on me, and proceedes to hit on me. Make out with girl. I know making out at bars is tacky. This bar is a tacky bar. Buy girl a drink. See straight guy friend out with his other gay friends, and realize have crush on him. Say hi to him and walk away. Mental note: must get over crush. See friend out. Friend's partner not in town. Friend flirting wildly with other boy. Groping and kissing wildly with other boy. I wish friend well. Friend tells me nothing is going on, nothing will happen. Friend and other boy leave together. Smile to myself, for I am evil. I messed around with friend's partner back in my promiscuous days. Smile not malicious smile, or happy for what I did, but that really, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

Realize god is playing a cruel joke on me: I'm attracted to boys, boys not attracted to me. I'm not attracted to girls, girls attracted to me.

I suppose that if god is getting a laugh out of me, then that must be my purpose.

New favorite song: "Love Tried to Welcome Me" by Madonna
Irony: love has never tried to welcome me. It's the other way around.
Solution: accept fate. And go on with life.

LOVE the movie CLOSER. GO SEE IT. Clive Owen is new love interest.

"Loniness has never been a stranger to me. These are my lips but they whisper sorrow. Instead of sping it's always winter. And my heart has always been a lonely hunter."

Oh yeah, while drunk will say I hope JV suffers much and dies a slow agonizing death after a boring, lonely existence on this planet. Not because I hate him, but because that is what he did to my heart. okay even when drunk don't really wish that on him. I guess I just wish him the best. Cuz I guess I'm not.

Right then. Bed.