From my Heart

I find that despite my deliberate planning and careful attention to details, the bottom still seems to fall right out from under me. I used to not be the least bit resilient. But now I find I am getting better.

I'm still trying to clam my life down and not let criticism and imperfections get me caught up in things I cannot see.

I may never be an angel, I may never be a saint. But I'm trying to survive the best I know how. I understand no risk, no glory.

I feel that I try and be a good person. I feel that I try and treat the people in my life, be it an old friend or a new acquaintance, so that they feel special. I feel I go out of my way to accommodate others, sacrificing my time and resources so that for a few minutes he/she will feel that someone in this crazy world cares for them, and wants them to be happy. Sometimes I feel foolish for extending my hand. Sometimes it's slapped back at me. Sometimes I worry that this world is so cynical that my good intentions are mistaken for a hidden agenda.
Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry. And sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying.
And sometimes I know that people believe in me. That I am loved unconditionally. That I am accepted for all that I am. That certain people in my life are not going anywhere. I'm really bad at expressing how much I appreciate it sometimes, but I remember it all. And for these people I would give all I have, even my life should it ever come to that.

And PS... if we spend all Wednesday night together, don't pretend you don't see me Saturday night, and when I finally talk to you, act distant and uninterested. But then I suppose you have your reasons. And let those reasons keep your heart warm, for I have removed you from mine and withdrawn all friendship.