one more step into the unknown

I have been thinking a lot today. I'm not sure if my life is going where I want it to be going.

School began today and I think that I'll be able to do well in my classes but I will have to work hard, study hard and give up a lot of my social activities.

Directions that I really have no idea where they are leading to, I am heading. But I feel that I just need to hang in there. I feel in my bones that things are happening right now, things that are going to cause great change, necessary change, in my life. That's why I'm just trying to deal with life on a daily basis. I am trying to keep abreast on things that I can control, but as they say, you can plan a picnic but you can't predict the weather.

I was also wondering, when a friend told me that he read my blog, if anyone really reads this thing anymore. I know it's moved onto the back shelf in my life. I write when I have time and the urge to say something. But then that's why it's here. For me. ;)

I have already gone further and relaxed more and accepted things in such a way that has proved to be VERY difficult for me in the past. Maybe the change I feel is going to be more of an internal change than an external change.

I'm learning to accept that people have different views on relationships. What is acceptable, how fast one should move, when an open mouth kiss is just a kiss to one, but reaching a deeper level of intimacy for another. Learning to trust the words of another when everything in you wants to disbelieve all that is said. Understanding that come what may, I will always have myself to answer to, so making sure I can look myself in the mirror is important.

moving forward, it's just simply moving forward. making sacrifices now to help tomorrow be that much better. that's what I'm doing, what everyone does, and really though it's hard, it's worth it. It's definitely worth it.