the hunter and the hunted

We've all been on both ends of it. Admit it. We've been hurt and we've hurt. But no matter how many times I may have been in either position, it never seems to get much easier.

Shall we just say I'm nursing my wounds right now. But I finally understand that I need to be alone, single, date me for a time. I don't know how one individual can have such a string of unsuccessful relationships as I have. Is it my luck? Is it me?

But I'm really not trying to pin-point what is wrong. Instead I'm taking a step back. There is obviously something with me that needs improvement.
And I'm starting with the thing I know will be the most difficult for me: Solitude.

I'm hoping that in this time I will be able to focus on me and learn to really be happy with who I am. I'm tired of falling all over a guy the minute he shows some affection in my path.
Also I fear I have been living a selfish existence, and so I need to correct those two things.

So I have two very simple goals. The first is to live in Gratitude each day. It's not mine for the taking, it's mine as a gift.
And I am going to focus on myself. I went on a date with a wonderful guy yesterday. I've been admiring him for sometime now, but I had a talk with myself last night, and I know that this will end up no different if I go about it the same way. I'm prepared that this may never happen because right now I'm not in the position to try and date. I jump from date to date, man to man.

I choose these two because I feel they balance each other. I could get very egocentric fast, which is why I need to keep a thankful, and humble heart. And work at keeping it.

And then I ask what about me? I'm getting lost in my pursuit of acceptance by another.

This will be something very hard for me. I'm not good at being alone. I get insecure fast. I feel like the world is turning without me. I feel forgotten. But I'll just have to learn how. There are many things about me that I don't know, and it's time I spent some time with myself, to learn to like and love me, before I can have the foundation to give love to another.