It takes a lot of hard work

I chatted with my cousin last night. The one doing the MD and graduate in genetics at Harvard. I always thought that she was brilliant. And I still do. She is going to Oxford in England to help start up a research lab. I told her that I was envious of her going over there to England and all that. She candidly replied, “It takes a lot of hard work, and this trip will be no different.” When I talk to her, I feel like all I do is sit in one place like a fool. She has worked really hard to get where she is. I know that I too could be where she is if I exerted as much effort as she has. She is a doer, a worker, a catalyst. She gets the job done. I tend towards the lazy side of life. I do what I need to do, but generally don’t do all that I know I should. That is the root of a lot of my unhappiness. Deep down I know I am capable of much more, but content myself with being lazy. I lack ambition, will power and self-motivation.

I know there’s someone out there, waiting for me… and that person is me. I need to date and discover myself and my potential… for some reason I feel like that when I begin to do that, life will begin to fall into place and I’ll be happy. People will be attracted to that, at least the people that I would want to attract. I cannot go another day wondering if I used that day to its full potential. I won’t go another day wondering.